| my 3 peoples |
[Jun. 13th, 2005|10:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | a lack of color-death cab for cutie | ] |
My 3 favoriteist, most important, most loveable, most everything people.
Andy
Ken
Kyle. |
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| write what i feel vol2 |
[Jun. 12th, 2005|11:10 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | let go-frou frou | ] |
so what happens when you really do care?
you sit in front of a screen,
express your feelings with some keys,
maybe even pick up the phone to see if i'm alright,
but does that make it real?
i can't help but feel like a huge part of me is missing.
and i wouldn't really know what it feels like to be complete.
i wish i could be complete. |
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| i am displaced, i am displaced. |
[Jun. 10th, 2005|07:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | melancholy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Displaced-Azure Ray | ] |
i feel melancholy, and this song feels right in my right now.
It's just a simple line
I can still hear it all of the time
If i can just hold on tonight
I know that nothing
Nothing survives
Nothing survives
I think i'm turned around
I'm looking up
Not looking down
And when i'm standing still
Watching you run
Watching you fall
Fall into me
Am i making something worthwhile out of this place
Am i making something worthwhile out of this chase
I am displaced
I am displaced
And she's my friend of all friends
She's still here when everyone's gone
She doesn't have to say a thing
We'll just keep laughing all night long
All night long
Am i making something worthwhile out of this place
Am i making something worthwhile out of this chase
I am displaced
I am displaced
It's just a simple line
I can still hear it all of the time
If i can just hold on tonight
I know that no one
No one survives
No one survives. |
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| kill me faster, with strawberry gashes all over all over me |
[Jun. 9th, 2005|08:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | strawberry gashes-jack off jill | ] |
almost one year and 8 months now.
suddenly i am beginning to think this is worthless.
you know i am going to break.
why even try anymore?
i am worthless, i only cause conflict.
i'm tried of feeling like shit all the time. |
|
|
| stupidity |
[Jun. 7th, 2005|09:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | dead | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sea of doubts-azure ray | ] |
just about to take the rest of the bottle,
but he stopped me.
i don't know how i feel.
dead on the inside regardless.
i will stay here for him, because that's what he wants.
i have to keep telling myself this.
i have to stay.
i don't want to stay with my mind always playing tricks on me like this. |
|
|
| write what i feel vol1 |
[May. 8th, 2005|02:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | gloomy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | brick-ben folds five | ] |
let's pretend you care.
you sit down & ask me what's wrong.
i explain to you every dramatic event that has led me here,
to who i am now.
we argue over what i do have.
the glass is half full.
but i am not. |
|
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| what i didn't write in the other one |
[Apr. 6th, 2005|10:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | a lack of color-death cab for cutie | ] |
Wow, damn, i wish i could put your picture in here a thousand times, but i know that would make trouble for you, and i would never want to do that. i am in love with you so deeply. your voice is the loveliest sound to ever touch my ears, and i could be with you forever and be okay. oh man... three years... then you are mine. i mean, please? lol. |
|
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| love love love love love |
[Apr. 4th, 2005|07:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Paper Bag-Fiona Apple | ] |
i am mad freaking in love with Leland & I would seriously give anything right now to be with him. My guitars, my stereo, all 400-600 CD's, my iPod, my snare, my quads, my TV, my movies, my phone, my entire computer (oh yeah, you know that's love, because i live on this thing). Grr... why does Hawaii have to be in the middle of the Pacific Ocean?! Better question, why does Lisa have to be in Ohio?
Well, only 3 years, 1 month, 3 weeks, and 5 days left until I can be with him!
<33 |
|
|
| what a shame |
[Mar. 22nd, 2005|10:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | what a shame-me | ] |
you gave me a hug that night
before i went home
so i went there to cry
and i smelled like your cologne
so tell me how to justify
the way i'm feeling now
did i do something to
deserve this somehow
i'm tired of the loneliness
my heart just always breaks
and all these friend of mine
turn out to be just fake
so call me if you want me to stay
i feel i just get in the way
of things that won't be the same
it really is a shame
'cause i could love you more
than anyone before
so badly i wished to be yours
but i'm not what you're looking for
so i went outside alone
to sit on the curb
and you said it'd be the two of us
but it was just a play on words
i guess i just expected
more attention than i got
and there was some affection
but it wasn't really a lot
and it killed me to see your arms
not wrapped around me
my heart just broke in my chest
'cause they're around someone elses body
so call me if you want me to stay
i feel i just get in the way
of things that won't be the same
it really is a shame
'cause i could love you more
than anyone before
so badly i wished to be yours
but i'm not what you're looking for
why do i still come around here
i know i'll just end up in tears
i've been swallowed by my fears
this has been going on for years
i'm tired of this same old place
and memories i can't erase
my broken heart outline was traced
but you could already see it on my face
the way i looked at you and said
sweet darlin' i'm better off dead
all i do is lie alone in my bed
with you in my head
-me |
|
|
| kitty |
[Mar. 18th, 2005|03:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | album of the year-the good life | ] |
 |
|
|
| brendan again |
[Mar. 16th, 2005|08:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | touched | ] |
| [ | music |
| | album of the year-the good life | ] |
brendan: you are not fat, at all, and i can't believe you said that...you are extreemly pretty, and i could have sex with your personallity |
|
|
| dreamscape (finished) Les orages du début de l'été |
[Mar. 13th, 2005|07:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | gloomy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | black ballloon-goo goo dolls | ] |
i deciephered the words,
that we are guillable bodies.
i am proof of your theories,
i am the post with your thesis.
rip me off the wall,
the pin holding me has rusted.
the sunlight reaks with amunition,
winter's chill is wearing off.
the snow will melt, the drive will succumb,
and my ambition will be reborn,
like the flowers incitement in the rising sun.
we'll find triumph and strength,
in these last passing days.
a reverie of memories,
a barrel full of sympathy,
these clouds no longer devour me,
and the future seemed so free.
so review all your entries,
the requirements have changed.
with growth, aptitude dawned on us,
like the spotlight on this stage.
believing the truth and disregarding the lies
all the lovely people i desiered,
were as real as this smile.
but the weather is changing,
we'll adapt to the storms.
the summer will melt us,
and we'll finally be warm. |
|
|
| ha, conor |
[Mar. 12th, 2005|10:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | bessa-tilly and the wall | ] |
me: i had this horrible dream last night that i was going out with him and we were in my bed having sex and he yelled "oh conor!!!!"
conor: HAHAHAHAHAHA |
|
|
| brendan |
[Mar. 11th, 2005|10:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | satisfied | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Seeing Is Believing-Acceptance | ] |
brendan (10:28:47 PM): conor asked me if i wanted to do it
brendan(10:28:49 PM): with him
me (10:28:59 PM): hahahha!
me (10:29:03 PM): you lucky bastard
me (10:29:25 PM): he keeps ffing taking all my guys
me (10:29:28 PM): like, seriously
me (10:29:31 PM): all the guys i like
me (10:29:36 PM): are more interested in him than me
me (10:29:43 PM): im just some ffing sidedish or something
me (10:29:48 PM): its starting to upset me
brendan (10:31:08 PM): im not more interested
:) oh, and then he said he loves me. :) haha, i love this kid.
damn damn damn damn why does he have to live in miklwaukee? :( |
|
|
| dreamscape |
[Mar. 9th, 2005|08:22 pm] |
(work in progress)
i deciephered the words,
that we are guillable bodies.
i am proof of your theories,
i am the post with your thesis.
rip me off the wall,
the pin holding me has rusted.
the sunlight reaks with amunition,
winter's chill is wearing off.
the snow will melt, the drive will succumb,
and my ambition will be reborn,
like the flowers incitement from the setting sun.
we'll find triumph and strength,
in these last passing days.
a reverie of memories,
a barrel full of sympathy,
these clouds no longer devour me,
and the future seemed so free.
so review your all your entries,
the requirements have changed.
with growth, aptitude dawned on us,
like the spotlight on this stage.
accepting the truth and (?) the lies
all the lovely people i desiered,
were as real as this smile.
but the weather is changing,
we'll adapt to the storms. |
|
|
| people |
[Mar. 9th, 2005|07:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Easy/Lucky/Free-Bright Eyes | ] |
i really don't expect much from anyone anymore.
it's funny... |
|
|
| dashboard |
[Feb. 26th, 2005|02:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | As Lovers Go-Dashboard Confessional | ] |
i wish all dashboard songs were happy.
not sad.
i like the happy ones.
the sad ones make me sulk.
sulking leads to thinking.
thinking is bad. |
|
|
| Going away to college |
[Feb. 16th, 2005|02:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Difference in the shades-bright eyes | ] |
< rantings >Yeah, so I know I haven't wrote in here in a really long time, but I needed a place I could say something and it would be okay to say it. I was reading The Perks of Being A Wallflower and I was near the end of the book where all of Charlie's friends are graduating, and he just keeps crying and wishing time would stand still, and i had to stop reading because it made me so sad. So I met Ryan sometime around November I think. And at first I thought he just looked like an interesting kind of person, so I wanted to get to know him more. Then after that, I started liking him a lot, and I don't mean friend-liking. Yeah, but then when we started talking more, and he would walk with me in the morning before first period, I realized how much he loves his girlfriend and that I would never ever want to like him like that if he was so much in love with her. Also I feel as though I gained a large amount of respect for him, so that is also why my little girl crush diminished.
So right now, I don't have many friends at all. And out of the few I do have, he is my favorite. Or best I should say. Anyhow, this brings great fear to mind, since he will be graduating in May. I know I shouldn't get upset, because who am I to be upset? I mean, I gain and lose friends all the time, you would think it is just the way of life for me, and that I would move on and accept it. But man, I really would like to have friends for awhile. The kind of friends that I could call up when I am having a hard time and just need to talk. The kind of friends that although we don't talk all the time, I know they are still there somewhere and still my friend.
I don't know what I am saying. All I know is I am afraid that after this May, Ryan will never speak to me again. And that is sad. Very very sad. I know he has like 290138901238120983 friends, and I have like...8, and I realize he is a very busy person, so I don't expect him to be my friend really. I am not that great. In fact, I'm not great at all. Mneh, I suck for gosh sakes. I just... I don't know. It's like, you care about someone so much, and you know they don't care about you that much but it's okay, because just talking to them is enough. You know? I don't want to lose that. So that is why I am scared.< /rantings > |
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| It's cold, it's cold, let it burn, let it burn |
[Dec. 23rd, 2004|12:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sleep-Azure Ray | ] |
Hmm, lets see.
Absolutely nothing.
I made a mistake. I should have never given him that gift. For I knew when she looked at him, and the way he looked at her, that he was not worth it. He would never be worth it again. And I had to learn this... again. My own stupidity. I am so god damn stupid. |
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| Oh I want him so bad that it kills. |
[Dec. 16th, 2004|02:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Paper Bag-Fiona Apple | ] |
I wish Andrew would just like me, then I wouldn't even have to think about anyone else. Then I wouldn't be hurting myself like I think I am starting to do again. |
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